This is a post from the series “Friend Review”. In this series, we review a mutual friend.

In this post, we would like to review Emma Venter.

Emma Venter (Fig. 1) is a writer, philosopher, and literary scholar, notably known for being the daughter of famous South-African/American psychologist Anre Venter. Emma, intimately known as “Anre’s daughter” is often pointed as the primary source of initiation and propagation of “Black Mirror”, “Father John Misty”, and “Bon Iver” in the life of Rafael Guerra.

Traditional Emma scholars often dispute when the exact date of her friendship with Rafa began, but there is a partial consensus that it began sometime in mid-2012, as the latter remarked on the aesthetic quality [and deep societal commentary] of her Pink Floyd shirt, claiming it was “very cool” that she had it. However, post-structuralist scholars insist that their true friendship emerged only in 2014, when individual bonds, rather than Anrenian connectionality, served as the main source of meaning and entertainment, and allowed for a range of conversational topics.

Fig. 1: For Emma, Forever Ago

Emma is also often credited as a loyal member of the “Army of Support”, a support group for Rafa’s strange emo phase now referred to as “the Necromancer era” (in which a full, scary beard was grown, and a large volume of depressing music was consumed). According to Hansel Weihs, another member of the army, Emma’s presence was “instrumental“.

“Emma’s presence was instrumental,” Hansel recounted. But, perhaps she was more than that. According to South-African/American psychologist Anre Venter, a very unbiased source in the subject matter, Emma is “one of [his] favorite daughters”, one that “thankfully got most of her traits from her mother”. Christine Venter, the Mother, questions the latter statement. “She definitely reminds me of myself, sometimes. But she could bake better. Then again, it’s a very high bar we’re speaking of. Have you ever tasted my éclairs?” Sources confirmed that indeed, Christine’s éclairs were literally the best currently in existence.

But not all whom’ve met Emma would find her as sweet as an éclair. While working in academic services for student athletes, she was known for fierce, completely common-sense emphasis on basic decency. “I remember she was all mean and stuff” said a football player whose name was removed as per his lawyer’s request “she would stay stuff like yo guys, do your homework, stop playing Dave Chapelle, and stuff”. Others, however, were in full support of Emma’s austerity. Adam Sargent, formerly Emma’s boss, praised her behavior. “A stellar worker. I wish she didn’t have to quote Hamlet every single day, but hey man, no one’s perfect, you know what I’m sayin’?”

When presented the 2017 “Friend of the Month” award in February, Emma agreed to participate in a short interview, which that same day became the #1 trending topic on Twitter (#anresdaughter).

Q: You will get into the University of Cambridge and will subsequently attend it. At the time of this interview, we don’t know this, but since I am writing from the future, I can tell you this is going to happen.

A: That’s not a question.

Q: Your father is a remarkable psychology professor. He has twice won the competitive “Professor of the Day” award. Do you think one day, you will be able to earn one yourself?

A: I’ll earn a thousand.

Q: Dog or cat?

A: Dog.

Q: Que piensas sobre la actual administración económica británica, llevando en consideración las decisiones de salida de la Unión Europea?

A: I don’t speak Spanish. Also, you’re an idiot, Rafa.

Well, folks…what can I say? With incredible wit, great literary skills, and an incredible acuity for spotting grammatical mistakes, Emma remains as one of this year’s key figures, despite many miles of distance across the pond. Look out, mates!

10 / 10